Run and Live In One Breath

One of the things I learned in treatment was the importance of having a heart of gratitude, especially for the little things. When your life is in scrambles, it's easy to only see the negative. However, God created too many beautiful things on this earth for them to be ignored. There are too many things that go unnoticed in our lives, minuscule things that could actually change the trajectory of your day, how you view something or even yourself. These things are what I now call my unexpected joys. Unexpected joys are just things in your everyday life that bring you joy. And over the last few months I have been writing down all of my unexpected joys, with the goal of one day filling an entire journal with them. Today, however, I want to just share the first 50 joys that I have on my list even though I have many more things that bring me joy and that I am grateful for. Before I share the list, I think it's also important to note that many of the beginning unexpected joys are very...

  Here's the truth: Recovery is really hard. Hard doesn't even begin to describe the effort it requires to intentionally choose recovery each and every day. It's the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. The idea of recovery can also be contradictory, especially in the beginning. It's like you want freedom and peace so bad, but sometimes you believe the easier option is the eating disorder, the old habits. However, the easy option is never going to give you the life that you desire. It's never going to help you find peace. It's never going to allow you to spread your wings and fly.  I wrote this poem on recovery contradiction and decided now would be a good time to share because right now that is the headspace I am currently stuck in. Wanting to recover, but knowing the easy option is to just go back to my old habits. Each morning, I have to wake up and intentionally choose recovery. Because I know what life would be like back in the depths of hell of my eat...

  To a place I called home for 9 1/2 weeks... where I finally learned the detrimental effects of my eating disorder. CH saved my life, gave me some of my best friends and showed me who was truly in my corner all along, and finally showed me what a life without ED could look like.  My time at CH was difficult, one could say, especially if you've ever been through any type of mental health treatment. Day after day was hours of excruciatingly painful work. But then came the days that no longer felt like I wouldn't make it through another day. I was lucky to be surrounded by incredible people that pushed me and showed me my true potential, that I do have a purpose.  My faith guided me through this difficult circumstance, and I truly believe with my whole heart that I wouldn't be where I am today without the guidance of Him every step of the way. He had a plan, a reason, and when I finally trusted him fully, I started to find healing, strength. God put it on my heart to share ...

      "Year's end in neither an end nor beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us."          Hal Borland A year of pain and disappointment also meant a year for learning, change, and growth. A year that started with confusion and a downward spiral, finished with ever-growing optimism and an understanding of what peace could look like. This year, while definitely not what I hoped for, ended up being exactly what I needed. This year provided the opportunity for me to gain a deeper understanding and appreciation of my whole self. It brought me people and connections that ultimately helped me realize that I am never truly alone. This year gave me a chance to see how strong I truly am. And even in the hardest moments and on the darkest days, this year constantly reminded me of the goodness, love, and peace of Jesus. In February, while leaving from a weekend in Lynchburg, Virginia, I was given a card ...