Run and Live In One Breath

  Here's the truth: Recovery is really hard. Hard doesn't even begin to describe the effort it requires to intentionally choose recovery each and every day. It's the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. The idea of recovery can also be contradictory, especially in the beginning. It's like you want freedom and peace so bad, but sometimes you believe the easier option is the eating disorder, the old habits. However, the easy option is never going to give you the life that you desire. It's never going to help you find peace. It's never going to allow you to spread your wings and fly.  I wrote this poem on recovery contradiction and decided now would be a good time to share because right now that is the headspace I am currently stuck in. Wanting to recover, but knowing the easy option is to just go back to my old habits. Each morning, I have to wake up and intentionally choose recovery. Because I know what life would be like back in the depths of hell of my eat...

  To a place I called home for 9 1/2 weeks... where I finally learned the detrimental effects of my eating disorder. CH saved my life, gave me some of my best friends and showed me who was truly in my corner all along, and finally showed me what a life without ED could look like.  My time at CH was difficult, one could say, especially if you've ever been through any type of mental health treatment. Day after day was hours of excruciatingly painful work. But then came the days that no longer felt like I wouldn't make it through another day. I was lucky to be surrounded by incredible people that pushed me and showed me my true potential, that I do have a purpose.  My faith guided me through this difficult circumstance, and I truly believe with my whole heart that I wouldn't be where I am today without the guidance of Him every step of the way. He had a plan, a reason, and when I finally trusted him fully, I started to find healing, strength. God put it on my heart to share ...